Often when we are busy with work or school or life generally, we sometimes try to imagine what it would feel like if we weren’t that busy. It’s hard to picture to be honest. Especially during my fourth year in college, it just felt like the impossible: freedom, relaxation and nothing specific to do by a deadline? How?
It’s been almost a month now since I finished my very last exam. And I have to say, it has been interesting! I haven’t tried life in Egypt without college yet so I really didn’t know how it would feel.
To my luck, it has been a head first plunge into post-college life because we have been busy! We’ve got family visiting, my sister came over, we traveled, we have gone out a lot and so forth. Having something to study or to finish by a deadline can definitely be something that nags at the back of your head whatever you’re doing. Being able to eat outside, watch movies and stay up late without that feeling has been priceless.
Everything feels more chill. Yunus is asleep. I can sleep. Or just watch Netflix (sorry Ammar for jumping ahead of you in Breaking Bad!). Someone asks us to go outside for the day. We’ll go, because why not? And generally I just feel my mood being so much better. Yunus may be super whiny the whole day and make a mess but it doesn’t feel just as overwhelming as it did when we had to wake up at 5 am the next day or when I had deadlines to meet.
I have invested in self-care and even though it might feel selfish to some, it is such a good investment. When I feel confident and good in my own skin, everything feels better.
What I have realized though, is that I’m not the stay-at-home type. I love chilling and hanging out at home, but I don’t feel like it will be a long term solution that I’d be satisfied with. I’m energetic and like to explore and communicate with my surroundings.
But this time, I’ll do it right.
I’ll wait for things to settle and my son to grow up a bit. I’ll try to find a good close-by nursery and I’ll spend time with family and friends for a while. And when I feel ready, I’ll look into my options again.
Life can always feel like a struggle, but I feel that this time I might be able to contribute and affect the variables of life that create that struggle. I want to recharge and find my inner (and outer) resources to be able to cope well enough with what is to come. I’ll try to figure out what works for me and us as a family and I promise to be honest with myself.
How has your holiday been so far?